Dear Tesco

Here is the text from a letter we actually sent to Tesco in Easter 2012Image…. enjoy.

 

 

 

Dear Tesco,

                                This Easter, my family and I purchased your own brand ‘Zesty Lemon Tart’, which promised to be not only zesty, but also creamy and tangy. We found this product to be none of those things.

 

                Whilst we were able to certify that, yes, it was a tart, made using a sweetened shortcrust pastry case, as advertised on the packaging, this was the only promise on which your product was able to deliver. Honestly, has anyone at the Bakery (Research & Development) branch of Tesco familiarised themselves with that particular member of the citrus family? We know that the Packaging (Design) branch of Tesco must have knowledge of lemons, 4½ of them featured on the front of the packet itself.

 

Taunting us.

 

How can you justify this tart’s ‘zesty’ status when lemon zest doesn’t even appear on the ingredients list!? Lemon juice itself only came in 6th on the list, behind vegetable oil. The Harris side of the family conjectured that there were more lemons on the packaging than there were in the tart. We restrained them from licking the box instead, though the amount of ‘tang’ found on the box may very well have been comparable to that in the tart.

 

                Perhaps we are wrong. Perhaps Tesco lemons merely lack the tang and zest that are the defining qualities of a lemon, and indeed the entire citrus family. Perhaps Tesco lemon tasters are hypersensitive to tang and zest, and to avoid working relations becoming sour, Tesco have allowed these inferior lemons to pass the quality standards for zest and tang. With that in mind, without being too sharp and to the point, the Rolfes and Harrises shall be doing their citrus shopping elsewhere in future.

 

 

Yours Faithfully,

 

Nicola Rolfe.

 

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About nicolajrolfe

Dr. Nicola J. Rolfe is currently looking for her next opportunity to make a big splash in East Kent industry.
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2 Responses to Dear Tesco

  1. Simon says:

    I once wrote to Bisto in an attempt to persuade them to engage the talents of Lionel Ritchie so he could sing “You’re once, twice, three times a gravy” on their adverts. They never got back to me. Did you have any luck with Tesco?

    • nicolajrolfe says:

      Yes! They sent me a rather unimaginative apology letter with a full refund for the cost of the tart. After the ‘giraffe bread’ story, i was disappointed that tesco don’t employ the same sort of customer service people as sainsburys, otherwise it might have been renamed ‘lemon-ish tart’.

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